i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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