Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
