But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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