o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
