I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
