just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
