remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
