I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
