so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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