it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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