I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
