I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
