he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
