I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am never drinking with the goths again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
