he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
