I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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