What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
