So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
