you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
