saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
