When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
