I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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