Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
