I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
