they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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