I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
