So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
