And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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