the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
