i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
