He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
