I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
