So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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