I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
