Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
