If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is my gift to your gina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
