In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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