i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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