I just saw a hot homeless man
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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