I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
