i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
