There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
