How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
