if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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