make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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