My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
