The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
