Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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