I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
