Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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