This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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