Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
