Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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